Through a lens I can see it occurring. Blue lettering on notepaper tacked to the hallway board. Each a warning. Each filled with less and less love. But he took no notice. I arrive late whilst everything is being stacked into the giant white van, I thought they were moving.
She hands me letters taken from the dressing table, they were in front of the mirror all along. One of the letter papers flames with fire nearly burning to cinders in my hand, shouting for that balm what’s soothing. I quickly move over to the next note. The next photo. He’s in a headlock. At first I thought it was some CCTV violent image shit. Hey that looks like…wait, no, it isn’t. I finally see her face and tear stains scar her blushed cheeks.
I’m leaving. I’ve already spoken to my mum. I can’t take this anymore. It’s becoming more and more wild. People I don’t even know turn up on the doorstep unannounced.
I’m sorry, I say and notice some of my things are left behind too. I start to wash up and suddenly I’m transported to B’s house. Her curls bouncing around her made up face. How much of a bitch is she. She won’t let us stay. She was expecting him alone but I turned up too. Considering I’m his long term what was she expecting? Or more to the point, what on earth was she planning!
You can stay here until 9pm only, she mutters with pointed poison…
Can I see you in the other room please?
We shut the door behind us, surrounded by drab grey.
She is being ridiculous. Let’s just get our things and leave now.
Yeah, make sure you get everything from before, let’s not leave anything this time.
I love him.
We start packing with urgency like a bomb is about to set off and, suddenly, we just need to be leaving. The sense of urgency is more real. Packed. I jump on to his motorbike. Who needs a licence around here? That law was abolished ages ago. We ride through dusk and meet J at the fence.
They won’t let me over. They won’t let me through. We part and make a new plan. Disgruntled. I ride back to O’s.
Where are the kids? I look around and notice nobody seems to care they’re bundled on top of the roof like cycles about to drive off.
Sorry love, you’re not taking them on the motorway like that, so I grab them.
I put them in my van, fill the back up with the rest of my stuff.
Quickly. Before they come back and destroy us.