bankruptcy: anorexic paycheck

It’s the oldest trick in the book, eldest of every sin, scent inner crest o’your nook, what is this sorcery you bring? Intelligent mockery forgotten, jest lost in endless dreams. It’s like sticky toffee pudding, wait, let’s get this back to allergies and bee stings. Turkish delights and coffee creams, white chocolate and strawberries, sickly, sweetly, cynically, shockingly crooked, fish with no fins, bird without wings, you are as foolish on the outside as I am within, drink up your morning coffee love, cereal without milk, human kindness stinks, shattered mirror, broken spirit and it is what it is, smudging ink liquid liner sinks calligraphy sphinx lone wolf wanders in, I see it so clearly, fantasy mixed with reality, double dose of hashish, you wanted a saga by twilight watch the moon by the sea, starlight sucking venom from kisses, you wanted dreams, blissful mindstates milled with windowsill herbs, mildew hurt heard her screaming, licking blood, these wrists, cut veins, who knew these wounds were acidic and I was made from porcelain, split peas with safety pins glittering grenade skins triple edged diamond king of nothing chains me, shames me in shackles stones smashed into ankles, used to crush flowers between fingertips, lingering, taste rose on my tongue, petals inside my Qu’ran, peeling bark from trees offering du’a, break free from haqeeqat live free with khu’da, Autumn leaves on cold streets, starchy crunch underneath, memories play me crazy, he’s always missing, I walk in key, each step a piano melody, echoing to only me, stiletto grip, can you hear it? I wish you could, they dance for only you, these Happy Feet kiss in a heartbreak hotel perpetually broken thoughts, fragmented heart, losing each beat a step at a time, laughter rings loud, hollow inside, beautiful angels of mine, love declined rejecting every motion to cry, plucking strings, wooden guitar breaking chords playing violins, tin foil skins, fiery spirit watered down everything holding candles up to sunlight protecting the flame from his rain: holding out: don’t burn out

you never really understood me perhaps no body ever will, mistaking my understanding as mutual planning I listen too much, a cursed blessing god handed me in disguise abundant empathy for your air guitar’d words flippantly flock to chords sung by cowards, took my love for granted, you should have kept my head crowned with flowers instead you gave me thorns, made me bleed, heart melts into a puddle, can’t fix the muddle in my mind, sleepwalking daily mundane, going through the motions don’t think I can walk past it, not really, you’re the devil spitting lies, all those things you put me through and the things you used to say, made me feel as if I was [ ] and you wonder why a part of me died? If you could see the world through my eyes, if you could hear the words in my head and scenes replayed in my mind then maybe you’d understand schizophrenic sunbeaming strength trickling into tumbling weed in the wind, understand me, understand the me within, understand the wicked din, decisions chosen through holy derision, living life in double vision, squint in a million, you never listen and you ask me to understand, it’s time for you to hear me, see me, want me for who I am, take me away, swirl me into moonlight, don’t fit into a temper, fair share of pirate eyes, private asides, but you’re late, you’re always late without apology, I don’t need this and I say that you’re a waste of space, why does it continue, can you not see each day is the same and somehow I am inflicted with blame, and I cover my head in desperation bracing myself for pain please don’t strike my face and a fist comes my way and I cower in disgrace to the female race shrill screams filled with rage at my age obscene words because of your double standards smiling to the outside and inside an inferno builds, corrupts me, then you tell me you love me, and then I feel guilty for leaving, eternal triangle of loss, regret, so sue me, burn and scold and brand me, bruises heal, emotions scar for real, losing the feel of a stolen heart, they all say the same words at the start, pretend like they’re smart just to lure you in, stay away from them honey bee, keep yourself chain free, and if a wasp approaches on three, shout as loud as you can, who the fuck are you to me/

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