I’ve been thinking about you day and night since the entire thing happened and I can’t believe that where we are, which is nowhere, is where we are right now. I thought that we would be together always and the rest of our lives would mesh together just as easily as it started. How wrong I was, and it’s all down to me and my utter stupidity.
I don’t want to offer you justification for my appallingly unthinkable moments of madness, you will have heard it all before. I know I should not have let the social media take over my life, my eyes grew and grew and I bit off more than I could chew, and then you found out. I’m an idiot for letting my ego snowball to that extent and letting it cloud my judgment. If it would make you feel any better, I would gladly let you take my temporarily dysfunctional pig-dog man-heart, scoop it out with a blunt knife and burn it on the campfire like crucified marshmallows.
Being with you is the only reason I wake up in the morning and I am truly sorry for causing you so much hurt, and I realise that the mess I have made in your heart and mind and us is not going to disappear so easily, and then that may only happen through time. I just offer you myself and a promise.
I promise to make it better, I hope that you might give me a second chance not only to prove this to you, but to show you that I mean what I say, I am totally devastated with what I have done to you, and to us. I wish I could turn the clocks back just to take away your hurt. I adore you and love you, more than I can ever say.
If you don’t trust my words, then trust that I say them to you as I am holding this diamond bracelet passed down from generations which I presented to you on the balcony in San Francisco, thinking only of you, thinking that this bracelet can and will only ever belong to you. I can’t express to you how sorry I am and a million love songs or apologies or sorries are not going to make any difference.
I just want you to know that my love for you is as true to you, and only you, and it remains as passionate to you, as it has ever been. I know that by you even knowing this won’t alleviate our current broken situation and your hurting sense, sensibilities, thoughts and feelings, but I would hope that it could pave even a few cobbled stepping stones for us to start again; to wipe away the cobwebs of pride I so mistakenly wore so brazenly.
When we first met, I thought every tiny thing about you was amazing from your cheeky secret smile only for me, you make my eyes and heart shine with happiness and when you said ‘yes’ I knew you felt the exact same way too. I wanted a tannoy so I could megaphone our engagement to the universe and crazily pictured our kids running wild on greens being chased by geese in the park. I wish the fairytale we were living then could be copied and pasted into the here and now because it wasn’t ever false, it was and is as true as the happiness in our memories when the starred romance enfolded.
Not having you in my life, not waking up to you or not being able to cuddle you is like a big empty mass of nothing inside of me and I really have no idea how to make it go away. I am so sorry for risking our love, respect and trust and for throwing away months of bliss which I have never experienced in my life. You make me whole, it’s a cliché, but you really do. I can only hope that the place you had in your heart for me, is still there, and that it loves me enough to forgive me and start over.
Irresponsible Social Media User